In case you weren’t paying attention (to anything, anywhere), this weekend brings us Super Bowl XLVI. And while Madge, the Party Rockers and their halftime show will probably give us something to talk about, they haven’t done it yet. So in celebration of football, wings, and botched performances, here are the 10 most ill-advised halftime shows we could possibly think of—but not before a special thank-you to Bruce for providing us never-ending joy and wonderful .gif material. Glorious.
10. The Indiana Jones Ride – and Patti LaBelle
“The Indiana Jones ride is its own star! Patti LaBelle will just have to accept that.” – an ad executive, probably
Not so much a bad performance as a bad call on how the public will handle brief nudity.
Because when you can’t get the Brian Setzer Orchestra, you get the next best thing. (Gloria Estefan.)
7. Elvis Presto
Presto, changeo, Elvis is still dead, and all of the viewers wishes they were.
The original Team Edward.
5. Prince, the rain, and the accidental phallic symbol
There is a “I just want your kiss” joke to be made here, and we are not about to make it.
4. Shania Twain
Man, those men at the Super Bowl (say they) did not feel like women.
3. New Kids On the Block and Disney
Dedicated to those fighting in the Gulf War. Because we can’t make that stuff up.
Here’s hoping nobody closed their eyes, fell asleep or said BYE BYE BYE because it was hot in thurr.
They had a feeling. They performed anyway.