PH BALANCE is a column that gives Pop Hunter and AUX contributors a chance to weigh-in on the latest pop music videos. This time, we riff on “Pop That” by French Montana, featuring Rick Ross, Drake, and Lil Wayne.

Jeremy Mersereau, Pop Hunter contributor:

Looks like Mrs. Montana made French invite ALL the neighborhood kids to his pool party this year. “But Mooo-om, Aubrey’s a dork! And Ricky’s so fat he never takes his shirt off, even in the pool!” “I don’t want to hear it, French! You’re inviting those boys and that’s final! Do this for me and I’ll buy you those cool Dr. Strangelove sunglasses you keep talking about.” “Ugh, fine…I’ll show her, I’m inviting the bad kid, Skater Wayne.”

Yeah, Drake’s verse in this is kinda fire, but he’s still got that Neal Schweiber steez; he looks like he’s gonna impress those babes with a memorized Steve Martin routine right after he gets done showing up Sk8er Boi over there. PICK AN IDENTITY ALREADY, WAYNE.

P.S. According to this video, hot babes are always down for some watergun action, but in my experience, no babe can tell a Supersoaker HC-F11 Hydro Cannon from your basic meat-and-potatoes Quickblast XP-215. Just something to consider before sending out the invites to your next mansion pool party.

Chayne Japal, Pop Hunter and AUX contributor:

There are a lot of things I’d like to say about this video, the song it supports, and the artists that created it but I am compelled to focus on the most important thing that happens in it: Drake crouching down and throwing up the dirtiest sideways peace sign in history, while video hoes dance all around him (at the 3:41 mark).

This action is much more than just the coolest pose done in music video history. It’s more than just the most important peace sign thrown up in North America since Nixon resigned. This awkwardly smooth act shows the artistic freedom an accomplished popstar like Drake has, and suggests that he’s ready to use it. What comes from this expressed freedom could be great, it could be horrible, or it could fall anywhere in between. But the thought of an artist of Drake’s calibre being willing to do things that are so uncontrived, so spontaneous — so, so based — is extremely invigorating.

Kudos to the director for leaving the slightly out of focus shot in. It has already done so much for me and will do much more for others as it reaches people all over the world. People, remember, do what you want do. If you want to be original, do it. If you want to be a biter, do it. If you want to do a random ass jail pose in a French Montana video, do it. As long as you’re not hurting anybody, do it. If it makes you happy, do it. You only live once. #DrakePeaceSign

Claire Ward-Beveridge, Pop Hunter contributor:

I always picture the actual on-set environment during the shooting of videos like this. The awkward pantomime of dancing and lip-syncing of the video’s stars and the tired and sore looking asses, faces and hooters of the supporting cast members. Someone yells “Cut!” and a few girls in the background continue to gyrate slightly off-rhythm for a few seconds before realizing that everyone else has stopped. What I’d love to see is a large, ample gentleman such as Rick Ross being subjected to dancing atop a riser in the hot sun for all of his friends to see!

The main thing I learned from this video is that pool parties are the single most fun thing you can do with your pals and a truckload of hookers during the summer months.

Nicole Villeneuve, Managing Editor of AUX:

Good to see the Bad Boy/Young Money/Maybach crews banding together in French Montana’s new clip to destroy misogyny in hip-hop hahaha, oh wait. There’s nothing subtle about this summertime poolside exercise in excess, from the brazen ass grabs to the shameless product placements. At least Wayne still slays, but Drake should really re-think those transition shades he’s wearing.

Crystal Sales, Editor of Bite.ca, Pop Hunter contributor:

I’d like to begin by explaining that I decided to watch this video while in the office, and quickly learned that it was incredibly NSFW. I’m not sure who is yelling in the beginning but “Got that pussy, bitch!” isn’t something the rest of the office wanted to hear.

I put on headphones.

So here we are with French, Drake, Rozay (Rosé?) and Wayne at a typical rap video scene with the usual dranks, bitches and bling. I’m a little confused, because I thought that Drake (who seems to be paying homage to Wheelchair Jimmy) went by Drizzy and Wayne went by Weezy. So why is Rick Ross the only one with a sweet “-zay” name here?

This song is intolerable, but is it a result of the guys hiring that Paris Hilton-type as the DJ, or does the song really sound like this? Lil Wayne seems to be scraping the bottom of the barrell for rhymes, since he’s comparing Proactiv with women’s genitals. I’m also wondering if the video-hoe pool has been severely diluted because OMG these women seem 10x more trashy than usual.

Lastly…

GOD DAMNIT FRENCH MONTANA, TAKE THAT TOWEL OFF YOUR HEAD!

Aaron Zorgel, Associate Editor of Pop Hunter:

If “Pop That” serves one purpose, it’s to educate. The next time you’re at a pool party, you’ll know the proper etiquete. Do we dare speak the unspoken rules of attending a pool party at French Montana’s house? We do.

When the host asks you to “work,” you must jiggle your rear.

Alternatively, when the host asks you to “bounce,” it is your duty to shake your booty.

When the host asks you what you’re “twerkin’ with,” you are required to shimmy your posterior.

Any time you are instructed to “pop that,” you are expected to gyrate your hindmost region rhythmically.

When you are told to “throw it” and “bust it open,” you should… umm… I’m not sure about that one. Something about wiggling your rump. Let’s move on to the next one.

When a large, bearded gentleman tells you to “drop that pussy, bitch,” what he REALLY wants is for you to… sit down for a friendly conversation with him poolside? No, that can’t be right…

When a short, skateboarding gremlin with dreadlocks approaches you, and tells you to “suck a nigga’s dick for some Trukfit,” DO NOT be alarmed. Remember that he is a close friend of the host, and he probably just wants you to wobble your bottom. If he says “watch me do a trick, ho,” he just wants you to watch him fall off of his skateboard and act impressed.

There you go! All the tools you need to survive a gentlemen’s pool party in the sun with French Montana, Drake, Lil Wayne, and Rick Ross.

Dave Hodgson, Pop Hunter contributor:

Drake: “Hey Rick Ross and Lil Wayne, I’ve got a great idea for a prank on the world! We take the doughiest nobody we can find, get him to do his best flow — which we’ll pretend isn’t objectively awful — and give him a name that sounds like both a salad dressing and an entry on Urban Dictionary. I know what you’re thinking: hip hop fans won’t buy him. Well, we’ll shoot a music video filled with enormous, wet breasts and sway approvingly in the background while he wears a towel on his head like an overheated soccer mom. I call it: Project Pop That. Y’all in?”

“I’ll take your long, satisfied blunt tokes as a yes.”

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