It’s no secret that Lady Gaga’s entrepreneurial ambitions extend far beyond marketing herself as a pop star. In addition to a foray into fragrances, and an attempt at Zuckerberg-ing it up via social media colonialism, it might surprise you to learn that Lady Gaga is also an aspiring restauranteur.
Lady Gaga and her family own Joanne Trattoria, an Italian restaurant located in the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Before you applaud Gaga for diversifying, we’d like to point out a couple of things:
1. The Yelp reviews for Joanne Trattoria are, on the whole, pretty scathing:
“Unless you literally want to barf…”!
Which leads us to our next point…
2. Joanne Trattoria was recently penalized for six major health code violations during a routine inspection, leading to the receipt of a barely-acceptable “C” grade form New York City’s Department of Health. Maybe “worse than herpes” wasn’t such a strong review after all.
What exactly is going on in the kitchens at Joanne Trattoria? Is it possible that the head chef is taking as many creative liberties with the food as Gaga takes with her wardrobe? More importantly, is it really a coincidence that Lady Gaga barfed on stage the same night her restaurant was slammed with six health violations? COME ON. More like Lady Gag, AMIRITE?
When an eccentric pop star’s restaurant is receiving questionable reviews, the onus is on the blogosphere to jump to conclusions, make wild accusations, and above all else, to speculate. With that kind of spirit in mind, it’s only right that we assume the problem with Lady Gaga’s restaurant is that her head chef is as much of a freak as she is.
Here’s what we think might be on the menu at Joanne Trattoria, based on Lady Gaga’s wildest outfits. (For the next three and a half minutes, please ignore the fact that Joanne Trattoria’s actual menu is readily available online).
Menu Items From Lady Gaga’s Restaurant, As Inspired By Her Ridiculous Outifts
Giant Scotch Egg (Made With An
Alien Ostrich Egg)
Fried Shrimp Tails
Chicken Breast Flambé
Wild Turkey Dinner
Steak Tartare à la Gaga
Egg Yolk, Caviar, and Dill On Toast
New York Style Cheesecake With A Strawberry Sauce
Soft Serve Ice Cream