Chris Holmes spends almost all of his new six-and-a-half minute video standing in front of a green screen. The problem? It’s not turned on. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. To put it plainly, “They All Lie and Cheat” off the aptly titled Nothing to Lose is an absolute trainwreck, and while it’s never clear whether the former W.A.S.P. guitarist is serious, we’re thinking he is more often than not. Watching it, you get the sense of that “cool uncle” who tries to play it tough, except for in those goofy, sensitive moments. This clip has all those and more.
The video is highlighted by its title, “Chris finally sings!” which even still can’t prepare you for what’s coming.
It starts innocently enough, with the double-denim clad guitarist alternating between acoustic and electric, but then, one minute in, the magic happens.
While we could keep talking about the clip, let’s let some GIFs do the heavy lifting instead:
At one point, the video turns into a slideshow for some reason. First with Kennedy and Marilyn, then Bill and Monica and then a bunch of ominous pictures of OJ Simpson. It’s actually terrifying, but at least produced this gem:
And then, for some reason, it ends with this: