The e-commerce marketplace known as Etsy has given crafters and hobby artists a chance to showcase and sell their work online. While this has given many skilled craftspeople a well-deserved opportunity to be rewarded for their talents, the site is also riddled with delusional wannabe artists, and people who are clearly just trying to make a buck.
We searched Etsy for musically inspired handmade crafts, and found some seriously bizarre and cheesy stuff. How many of these items would you add to your non-ironic virtual shopping cart?
1. Metallica Nesting Dolls
How pissed would Lars be if he found out that he’s the smallest doll?
2. Nu-Metal Origami
“Made from the complete CD booklets of Korn’s Follow the Leader, Marilyn Manson’s Antichrist Superstar, Kittie’s Spit, and the Spawn and Lost Highway movie soundtracks.”
This origami cube contains the pure, uncut angst of a thousand goth tweens.
3. Chad Kroeger Keychains
Have you ever had the uncontrollable urge to lose your keys? If not, this set of six Chad Kroeger keychains ought to inspire a similar urge.
“It doesn’t get any better than this”??! For $6.50, Any time you unlock your musty basement bachelor apartment, you can be reminded of your own bleak, pointless existence.
Curtains are important, unless you want everyone in your neighbourhood to know that you’re a freak.
5. Bob Marley Doll
This terrifying Bob Marley doll doubles as a Geico Caveman doll. Great value, even at eighty nine dollars.
6. Lady Gaga Dog Hat
This dog’s eyes say it all.
7. Lil Wayne Etched Glass Jar
It’s either Lil Wayne, or Gandalf wearing a cool hat. Either way, it’s a suitable home for your dankest weed nugs.
8. YOLO Cross Stitch
This cross stitch artist should take the advice of his or her own creation. You only live once! Go parasailing, or try ketamine. Don’t waste your precious time making cross stiches that say YOLO.
9. Lil Wayne Clothespin Doll
I want to buy this just so I can destroy it.
10. “That Shit Cray” Cufflinks
Here’s one way to be the annoying guy at the wedding.
11. Drake Wooden Pendant
Is this supposed to be Drake animated in the style of Fat Albert? Does anyone else think it looks like he’s about to cry?
12. Kanye West Blind Contour Drawing
A blind contour drawing is where you close your eyes while drawing. In this case, the artist didn’t realize he or she was drawing on the inside of a pizza box. ART.
13. Kanye West Louis Vuitton “Can’t Tell Me” Handbag
“You can’t tell me nothin’, and you especially can’t tell me not to write on this purse with a gold pen. Hah-HAAAH!”
14. Psy Crocheted Baby Hat
Ugh, this baby was fun at first, but now it’s so overplayed.
15. Justin Bieber Outlet Cover
Now you can think of Justin every time you’re vacumming dog barf off of the carpet.