20 Google auto-completes about musicians

by Aaron Zorgel

January 21, 2013

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Even though it’s usually exceedingly helpful, Google’s auto-complete function will occasionally get it all wrong. We started typing twenty sentences about musicians into Google’s search field, and grabbed screencaps of the funniest and weirdest suggestions it made. Google has a long way to go before we’re willing to put Google glasses (or Google pants, or Google jorts, or any other Google-related acoutremoent) on our persons.

A sad supernova of this magnitude means we’d be hearing nothing but heartbreak anthems on the radio for the next five years. Either that, or maybe they’d be really happy together, and both of their careers would be ruined.

On, and in case you’re curious…

There’s just no way that Beyoncé’s breath isn’t a wonderful, enchanting mist. Catching a whiff of it is like getting hit with a ray of the purest sunlight.

NOPE. NEXT.

One of these things just doesn’t belong.

Now you all know I don’t have Nickelblock installed, mostly because I’m the webmaster of NickelbackIsTheWorstBandEver.com.

“You know what I like the most? Synth farts.”

Yeah, that’s a Cake Farts reference in 2013. Deal with it.

**Note: Google “cake farts” at your own risk. Very NSFW. Very NSF anywhere.

Just to torture us, I guess?

Lana Del Rey, always the biggest moral quandary in the bunch. This kind of reads like George Michael Bluth’s search history.

Oh, Jon Davis wears a kilt because it looks awesome. Now I understand.

Unless people are still listening to a lot of UB40, they’re probably mishearing producer RedOne’s tag as “red wine.”

Is it possible that there’s a segment of Googlers who mistook an episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation for VH1′s Behind The Music?

Some questions are just too big for Google.

Lil Wayne is definitely more of an alien than he is a good skater. Also, and this is just a hunch, I’m pretty sure he’s not a virgin.

Can you say one without saying the other, though? Really?

Lay off, Google! If Taylor Swift was a dude dating tons of hot ladies on the reg, you’d be giving her daps, not vilifying her.

It’s somewhat comforting to know that Google is keeping my grade school rumour mill alive. There was also the one where he supposedly had everyone at his concert spit into a bucket, then he drank it. Ewwww. You’ll find all of the answers to these questions on Jesus-Is-Saviour.com.

Honestly, it’s nobody’s business if Justin Bieber is dead or not. Can we just let him live his life the way he wants, as a possibly dead teenager?

If One Direction ARE indeed vampires, that might explain how they became so explosively popular. I’m still working on figuring out the other one, though. Is there a generation of latch-key kids who come home to an empty house, make themselves a peanut butter sandwich, and flip on One Direction’s VEVO channel and dream a little dream about one day having hair that perfectly quaffed?

Syndrome Of A Down rule, but my all-time favourite is probably A Perfect Circus.

On a related note, “A Witch” is probably the “so indie”-est band name of all time.

MAKE UP YOUR MIND, INTERNET.

Tags: Music, Featured, Lists, News, Adele, Beyonce, Chris Brown, google, Justin Bieber, Korn, lady gaga, Lana Del Rey, Lil Wayne, Marilyn Manson, Nickelback, Nicki Minaj, one direction, skrillex, Smash Mouth, System of a Down

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