The Super Bowl was last night and it was an absolutely great game. But let’s say you weren’t watching. Maybe you took advantage of America’s game to catch a movie or to read or to do something else super lame. We’re here to help. Here’s a quick summary of what you missed in music video form.
Johnny Cash – I Talk To Jesus Every Day
Ray Lewis maybe (probably) killed a dude, but ask him about it and he’ll defer to his fail-safe: religion. Because when he’s not missing tackles or crying on the sidelines, Ray Lewis can be counted on his bizarre, at times incessant preachiness. God got Ray Lewis to the Super Bowl, not John Harbaugh. How dare you even think otherwise? (But no, Ray Lewis might have been the best ever to play his position, regardless of how irritating and old he was throughout this year’s playoffs).
Kanye West – Big Brother
A little six degrees of separation here: Kanye West wrote this song about living under Jay-Z’s shadow. Jay-Z is married to Beyoncé, who performed at the Super Bowl’s halftime show. The game was between the Baltimore Ravens and San Francisco 49ers. The Ravens are coached by John Harbaugh; the 49ers are coached by his younger brother Jim. John’s team won the Super Bowl. Jim’s might soon follow. Maybe then they’ll actually hug.
Propagandhi – Fuck the Border
Lots of football fans convince their significant others to watch the game with them under the pretense of great new commercials. The problem? We barely got any of them in Canada. Sure, The Motive seemed intriguing, but maybe we wanted to see Bar Rafaeli smooch some dweeb or Volkswagen’s controversial “white people speaking with Jamaican accents” ads. We got Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen, Lebron James and Bob Oedenkirk’s Samsung commercial as a consolation, but isn’t it time we Canadians demanded better?
Shaquille O’Neal singing Beyoncé’s Halo
Don’t lie: you were singing it too.
Bad Religion – Supersonic
Did you see Jacoby Jones blur past the defense off the kick return to start the second half? Yeah, neither did the 49ers. That dude was absolutely flying and ended up setting a Super Bowl record with a 109-yard return.
Arcade Fire – Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)
The more than 30-minute power out that struck the New Orleans Super Dome almost threatened to put on asterisk on a great game. But despite a valiant effort the Ravens held off a surging San Francisco team, making the tedious wait between plays little more than a footnote in the history books.
Men Without Hats – Safety Dance
The 49ers would-be storybook comeback was all for naught after a shitty pass (and disputable non-call on a hold) all but solidified a Ravens victory in the waning seconds of the game’s 4th quarter. What iced it was a two point sacrifice from Harbaugh comma John, who had punter Sam Koch shave seconds off the clock before getting nailed for a safety. On the next play he kicked it beautifully (making up for a horrible punt earlier in the half) forcing the 49ers to return and icing the win for Baltimore.