necklace

6 terrible moments from Robin Thicke’s feature film acting debut

by Dave Hodgson

May 14, 2014

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Robin Thicke. R&B sensation? Indisputably. Wearer of Beetlejuice hand-me-downs? Oh hell yeah. Actor? Now, yes. With the release of the direct-to-DVD romantic drama Making The Rules, Thicke is making a brave foray into an entirely new entertainment genre, a move that could pay off in spades (see: Mark Wahlberg, Will Smith) or backfire hugely (Britney Spears, Mariah Carey).

Making The Rules concerns walking cliché Abby (Jaime Pressly), a workaholic chef whose dissatisfaction with her career and marriage is complicated by the re-appearance of Shaun, a seductive, well-coiffed old flame. Guess who plays the seductive, well-coiffed old flame? No, not DJ Qualls.

Having little regard for myself or my free time, I agreed to watch Robin Thicke’s feature film acting debut, and… well. Here are the six things that made it the worst not-even-80-minutes of my day.

 

The Editing and Directing

The movie’s director is Jimbo Lee, which I assumed was an alias but apparently isn’t. It’s simply shot to the point of tedium, and the very first appearance of Thicke’s character comes via a weird-seeming pop-up in the background of an argument between Abby and her husband. Perhaps this is a metaphor for how Shaun pops back into her life so suddenly. Perhaps, but perhaps guys named Jimbo aren’t very good at directing movies.

 

Jaime Pressly’s Character

Abby is best described as an utter turd of a woman, who spends the entire film grimacing and complaining about her life. The film hinges on her trying to find happiness, but because you never get a chance to see her at her best, the audience has no reason to root for this exceptionally crampy woman. Pressly, whose last high-profile project was a DUI, does her character no favours by wearing the grim expression of someone forced to co-star in a movie with Robin Thicke.

 

Robin Thicke’s Acting Ability

While Robin Thicke is likely the most successful musical artist to come out of Alan Thicke’s balls, the same plaudits cannot be applied to his acting talents. He plays the owner of a salon, which is undoubtedly only the case to explain away why he puts an unholy amount of product in his hair just to go to the laundromat.

Thicke has one mode: bein’ sultry. And for the 12 or 13 minutes he’s actually in this movie, he works it as hard as he can. But due to the lack of variety in his performance, he largely comes across as a stone-faced perv with very, very sturdy hair.

 

The Plot

When Abby runs into ex-BF Shaun again, it really doesn’t take much cajoling for her to betray the bond of marriage. He invites her over to his place to retrieve an old photo album, and due to his nifty necklace and mastery of at least five unique phrases, she almost immediately has sex with him. The fact that Abby is married is treated as a mere afterthought. But such is life when you’re running your fingers through Robin Thicke’s hair, getting your fingers stuck in Robin Thicke’s hair, requiring the assistance of firemen to extricate your fingers from Robin Thicke’s hair.

Thicke’s anti-magnetism makes the infidelity fairly baffling, and casts both of the characters in a bad light. By the end, you’re rooting for them to get together if only because they deserve each other’s shitty company. And also, so the movie can be over.

 

Robin Thicke’s Necklace

I can only imagine it’s some kind of talisman blessed by Alan Thicke that Robin thought would make him a passable actor.

 

All Of It, The Whole Thing

Making The Rules seems, and is, padded out to a length of 75 minutes, which even at that point is really short for a feature film. With a total of zero reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, it seems that the studio is releasing it quietly with a minimum of promotion to spare as many non-Robin Thicke fans as possible. And for that, the world owes them a tremendous debt of gratitude.

Tags: Film + TV, Lists, News

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