So the new Muppet movie is out, and we know, we know, we’ve heard the reviews too… but hearts should be swelling all over the place, regardless. We have to take the time to appreciate these little guys for introducing some genuinely weird and wonderful music into our lives. Let’s share in how great these are.
10. Alice Cooper – “Welcome to My Nightmare”
The thing you should appreciate most about the Muppets is that they dared to make anybody “child-friendly.” They didn’t shy away from having mothers everywhere asking the tough questions like, “Hey, who’s that spooky man?”
9. Ozzy Osbourne & Miss Piggy – “Born To Be Wild”
“Oh, yucky, isn’t that the guy who bites bats’ heads off?” They knew we could handle it. And it takes a lot of what was so scary about Ozzy away when he is shamelessly flirting with Miss Piggy.
8. Johnny Cash
Johnny Cash looks so happy to be there, he works so well with that band you’d swear they were his own. It’s hard to come close to June, but he and Miss Piggy have real chemistry here.
7. Elton John and the Muppets – “Crocodile Rock”
Cee Lo Green performed “Fuck You” in a similar outfit along with the Muppets at the Grammys this year, and not to hate on that Cee Lo Green song, but I hate that Cee Lo Green song. Elton John conducting crocodile back-up singers singing one of his best tunes? Fantastic.
6. Nine Inch Snails
No one can ever say that the Muppets never took the time to expose kids to industrial music. This works so well it almost makes me think that Trent Reznor wrote the entire NIN catalog in the perspective of a snail.
5. Smashing Pumpkins, Live on Muppets Tonight
Although at the time this aired I was probably so disdainful of this gag because I was so melancholic and infinitely sad (and the Smashing Pumpkins really GOT me, you know?), but the Muppets did not give one care about your pre-teen angst. They knew you’d grow out of it eventually and enjoy this more than anything Billy Corgan has ever done.
4. Gonzo sings Billy Idol’s “Dancing With Myself”
I can’t say for sure, but I think this is what inspired the scene in Being John Malkovich where John Malkovich goes into his own head.
3. Bobby Benson and the All Baby Band perform Paul Simon’s “Baby Driver”
Oh, come on! You love it!
2. The Muppets perform Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”
I sometimes think it’s sad that children today aren’t learning all the words to “Bohemian Rhapsody” from Wayne’s World because I feel like they’re really missing out, but it would’ve been totally harrowing to hear Animal sing about killing someone.
1. Kermit the Frog sings Bruce Springstein’s “Dancing in the Dark”
I don’t know how people smiled before the Muppets were around.