I don’t think Lana Del Rey is even trying anymore. Because while the upstarts of her post-Lizzy Grant career played off a marketed nonchalance, there was a concerted effort behind crafting one of pop’s most indifferent superstars.

But her new video for “Summertime Sadness” almost forces you to tune out with its indistinguishable nothingness. Sure, you’ve got a dead eyed Jamie King jumping off a bridge, but even that’s cloaked in layers of tacky, Instagram-inspired video effects. At this point, it’d be more shocking to see a video that wasn’t drowning in film crackles and haze. So we got to thinking: what effects should Lana Del Rey try next?


If you’re going to fake film crackles, why not go a step further? Because what says “indifference” like not bothering to develop the film you shot your video on?


Of course her lips don’t actually look like that. It’s the lens, man!

Star Swipes

The smokey transitions are played out at this point. Why not add in an old fashioned star swipe to spice things up?


Imagine how badass it would be if Lana’s eyes were randomly shooting lasers. You’re imagining it, aren’t you?

Cheap Webcam Effects

Lana Del Rey is too pretty to be so pouty and plain. Why not spice things up with some cheap webcam effects? Look, she’s a pirate now! Hilarious. And everyone loves an artist who isn’t afraid to laugh at herself.

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