A few days ago, Alexisonfire’s long-dormant website (www.theonlybandever.com, which is still funny) began a mysterious countdown.

It’s probably counting down to a tour announcement. But what if it’s not? I know. Here are 7 other possible conclusions to this ominous ticking clock.

The band rescinds all rights and royalties to their namesake, Alexis Fire the lactating contortionist stripper

Remember poor Alexis Fire? Remember typing www.alexisonfire.com into Netscape or whatever and being scandalized? Maybe this is her moment.

Dance-off just like the “Water Wings” video

So many great moves demonstrated in the video for “Water Wings (And Other Poolside Fashion Faux Pas).” Could this be the real-life event we were promised to many years ago?

Kickstarter campaign to make Wade grow back his sideburns.

It was a good look.

Kickstarter campaign to make George grow back his massive old hair.

Anyone old-ish enough to remember being, like, shocked by the end of the big hair era? Also a good look.

Poorly calculated “end of the world” Mayan calendar

Who didn’t get swept up in this after seeing 2012? Great flick.

Helicon Blue reunion tour

For the realest of real-fans. Tours alongside Condemning Salem.

Alexisonfire announces the tour dates for their run of final shows

Well, yeah. But boring prediction-wise.

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